Kindly Unspoken
by thegingertwist
Summary: Addison wants to find a new sense to her life. She starts over in a new country, with new people... and an unexpected acquaintance... I'm not good at summary so please give a chance : Addison and Alex, Addex, because I can only write about them.
1. Chapter 1

She couldn't stand anymore

**Okay, so… I'm a big Addison and Alex fan and I imagined this story a long time ago. But my English is boring so, please let me think if I should pursue it or not. Every advice would be helpful, even if I have plans for this story…**

**Of course I don't own anything, or Addison will be back in Seattle comforting Alex.**

--

She couldn't stand anymore. She doesn't know if she made the right decision but right know it felt so good. Packing her things, she remembered her last conversation with Naomi…

"_You don't understand what I mean, Nae…"_

"_Addison, this is crazy… you are crazy…. How can you imagine I will agree with you? Leaving is not an option. Not a solution. You just can't run away every time you feel bad or…"_

"_This is not an escape… this is me needing to be helpful. This is me needing to get up in the morning for a reason. This is me needing to live for something else… this is me needing to be defined by something and not by someone…"_

"_Addie, I'm sorry about you and Kevin"_

"_That's not the point. My life is a mess. My professional success isn't enough__ to keep me alive. I feel… empty…lonesome... "_

"_So, you're gonna go back to Seattle"_

_Addison shook her head. "I can't. Too much history here. Too many men to handle. Last year, when I went to Seattle Grace for a consult I felt I didn't belong here anymore."_

"_So you're heading back to New York"_

"_No."_

"_No? Addie, where are you going?"_

"…" _She inhales deeply, like her words were breathtaking. "I'm going to Ethiopia"_

_Naomi stared at her friend deeply. She couldn't quite get why she felt this urgent need to leave, but at least, she kept her promise and support her._

"_Ok. If this is what you want…"_

"_You're not going to tell me I'm stupid?" said Addison sceptically._

"_Does it make change if I tell you that?"_

"_I'm sorry, Nae. You helped me moving here and gave me an awesome job and I probably look like a horrible person but I have to go."_

"_I'm not gonna tell you're right. But if it's what you want… " She stood up from her chair, moving towards Addison. "I'll miss you. The practice won't be the same without you around here"_

_Addison hugged her friend briefly before adding "I'll miss you to. Our friendship means a lot to me. And by the way it's just one year. I'll come back… __It's just a mission."_

She knew it was the right thing to do, pulling the past behind her, looking through her future. There was a little piece of her heart terrifying by this new venture. She lost herself so many times those past years that she felt out of the world she lived. She barely remembered the last time she was proud of herself, not as a surgeon… just as a woman. She was drowning on her sorrow, the memories of her broken marriage still lingering on her mind and she couldn't take much. Addison Forbes Montgomery is a fighter. She was going to prove it.

She arrived at the camp after a chaotic travel in an old jeep, the sun burning her skin, the heat grabbing her body. She couldn't imagine this; the people destroyed by war, famine, and poverty. Her heart was bleeding, her big sapphire eyes damped by emotion. She got out the jeep, meeting Alicia, the Canadian responsible of the mission.

-"Awesome… my new world class gynecologist!" greeted her boss in hurry

Still confused about the setting, Addison opened her mouth without pronouncing a word.

-"This is none of what you imagined, isn't it?"

-"I wasn't prepared… but it's okay…"

-"I know, I didn't tell you the truth because I figured you wouldn't come if you knew. Don't take it personally; it's just that it's not a holiday camp."

-"It's okay, I get it… and I'm glad to be here… I'll do all I can to help."

-"Good, I'm relieved… when I saw your face I thought you were going to run away… So let's move to your new quarters." They go to an old house transformed in a clinic… which would probably be a high technologic one if we were in the 70's. "So…" Alicia continued --"This is our consult room… here; you've 4 beds and one in the left corner. Sometimes, we have to do the exams in the hallway when the room is complete." Addison nodded, and followed Alicia through the "clinic" rooms. There was something in the air, the destitution planning above their head, the poverty paralyzing the environment. Old medical equipments were mixed with modern ones. It was like all the pictured before leaving… with a little addiction of hope. Alicia didn't seem bothered at all. Of course she admitted the lack of equipment, but guaranteed Addison that new stuff was coming. She made everything she could to expand her hope.

-"Okay" Alicia said when they stopped in a big room full of odd chairs and tables. "This is our dinning room, our living room, your playing room…"

Addison spotted a little dirty kitchen on the left side of the room.

-"This is for?"

- "Cooking!" responded Alicia like it was obvious. "We don't have a cook… but Pierre, our French pediatrician make incredible meals… okay it's not a good restaurant, but we get as best we can…"

-"I'm sure it's great" said Addison with a smile, trying to be hopeful. "How many are yo… how many are we here".

-"8. We were more six month ago but since the… the assault…"

-"The assault? What do you mean by that? "

-"Rebels came to the camp. They burned half of the clinic and Marissa, one of ours, was kidnapped. We found her a month later… she'd been raped and killed."

-"I'm sorry…"

-"It's okay but don't ever ask about her to Hans… the were very close."

A tall man make irruption in the room

-"So… this is our newbie…Welcome aboard, I'm Dan" said the man holding out his hand.

-"Thank you" responded Addison, shaking the man's hand.

Dan was lost in the blue ocean in Addison's eyes, grinning like a charmer.

-"Top flirting" warned Alicia. "Be careful Addison, he's our Robin Hood of the heart broken… don't trust him when he smiled at you like that." Grabbing her by the arm, she went outside. "So…" pointing an old house in front of them "This is our "dormitory"" said Alicia, emphasing the word "dormitory" . "This is clearly not perfect, but we'll get used to. There's a bathroom, and everyone as a bed with a bedside table... no intimacy here, but it's convivial … You can go here if you want to unwrap your things and take a shower. It's calm today".

Addison nodded and moved toward the house. All the past hours were clashing in her head and she needed a shower to clean her mind. She opened the door just as a man, only covered by a towel, was searching something on a cupboard. He hadn't heard her and was absorbing by what his was doing, his head buried by a second towel. She considered a second the option of closing the door and coming later, but she was literally fascinated by his muscular back and the perfect line of his shoulders. This place definitely hid many surprises… this was the last thing she expected here.

She cleared her throat, making him sense her presence.

-"Excuse me, I'm new here and…"

Surprised, he turned around, loosing the towel that covered his head.

-"Addison?"

-"Karev?"

She couldn't believe he was here. There was no way to find him here. It was certainly not a refuge for Seattle Grace surgeons, and most of all, certainly not a refuge for Alex Karev. What the hell was he doing here? She could feel her heartbeat increase, the past suddenly exhuming behind her eyes.

-"What are you doing here?"

-"What are YOU doing here?" Alex repeated.

-"I asked you first."

-"And I'm not going to respond until you tell me first."

-"You haven't change… still arrogant."

-"And you still have responded"

-"I'm here to help. I've contacted Alicia a month ago and we agreed I would be helpful."

She gazed him, her piercing eyes fixed on his, wanting for his answer. His face darkened, like the question was an attempt to his intimacy. She could sense the tension but couldn't explain why.

-"I'm … I'm just here… to help, just as you said. I asked Dr Weber if he would help me to finish my residency here and he accepted. Unexpected, isn't it?"

-"Well… I have to admit this is quite surprising…"

-""Quite"?"

-"Ok, this is seriously unbelievable. But why? People don't need a plastic surgeon here, unless you wanted to make stitches forever."

-"I've switched my specialty with…"

-"With?"

-"… Doesn't matter. So… for how long will you be here?"

-"1 year. And you?"

-"Me too, but I'm here since six month."

-"Wow, I'm impressed…"

-"You can be… You don't know what is to live here… you don't imagine how cruel is a simple flu here… You don't know how you feel like a monster when you have to choose between two patients only because you don't have enough material to save them both…"

There was something broken in his eyes. She stared at him, studying each curves of his face. She suddenly moved in reverse, remembering why she felt so attracted to this man. Not only because he was good looking. Not looking because he was hot and made her palm sweat. Because there was something in him so mysterious… a merge of pain and force that reminds her… what she felt when she lost Derek. She couldn't define what she felt right now, and tell if she could handle this presence here. Whatever, she has to… She was here for a reason and was determined to stay focused on it. Even if her eyes were actually running through his muscular chest, still exposed.

Suddenly, Alicia knock on the door and entering in the room. Addison came to her senses. Alicia looked both Addison and Alex, then, turning to Addison:

-"I think my patient is pregnant, Addison, can you check on her?"

-"Of Course." Responded Addison. Then, facing Alex "So I guess, I'll see you later."

-"Yeah, probably" he said nonchalantly.

Alex stayed alone in the room, still confused by this strange meeting. First of all, why was he so nervous?

**So… like it? Hate it? Please let me know!**


	2. Chapter 2

Addison spent the next two days avoiding Alex

**Sorry, sorry, sorry, I took me so long to update, but I was very busy at work. Thank you for all the reviews, you really light up my week !!**

**I know Ethiopia is a real strange place to meet, but a friend of mine just came back from here and I wanted to write about it. Plus, I'm pretty sure Alex and Addison would be really good in a mission.**

**« Reasons Unknown »**** (sorry I don't know you name) I would love to be helped because I'm struggling with my poor English.**

**Still don't own anything…**

Addison spent the next two days avoiding Alex. She couldn't get why he was here. It's been one year since she saw him for the last time, and it was far for Ethiopia. Alex is arrogant, cocky and nothing less than selfish. How could he appear to be in a mission? HER mission. She really started to believe that there was some kind of malediction involving her and Seattle. Like she could break away from this city, her soul trapped in forever.

Lost in her thoughts, she went to dinner; her blue eyes scanned the dining room, looking for his presence. She spotted him playing cards with Mani and Christopher, two medical assistants. She didn't notice Alicia sitting down next to her.

"He's man candy, doesn't he?" joked Alicia

Addison jumped up in surprise, looking away from her ex-intern.

"I… I wasn't looking at him… at all."

Alicia raised her eyebrows suspiciously.

"It's okay, Addison. There's a lack of distraction here so a little flirting is always good. I haven't seen him with a woman since he came here. So, instead of ogling at him, why don't you go there and speak with him…"

"He hasn't a girlf…" She shook her head" Doesn't matter… I'm here for a reason, and it's certainly not for dating. I'm not… interested. At all."

What the hell was he doing here? She washed her hands in the bathroom, like she could wash the doubts running through her head… unsuccessfully because she couldn't get out of her mind her interrogations. Misfortune was playing with her nerves. She wanted to escape from her past and he was here, memories lingering in the air, scathes ready to be exhumed. Seattle. Derek. Mark. Him. The pain running through her veins, the deception burning her heart, a drama melody regulating her life… She had to think to something else. Someone else. Staying as far as possible from him won't be as difficult since she was working closely with Alicia, learning how to treat without any resource.

In fact it was a very good strategy. She managed to stay away from him. A week. No glances, no words, no sweating muscular chest coming out from the shower. She barely detected him in the dinning room or in consult.

But today was a particular day. She knew she had to go to another camp for the day; an epidemic was ravaging a town. Alicia and Pierre were supposed to come with her, but Alicia had to stay to receive a medical delivery. Alex was designed to join the group. Crap. This was going to be difficult to avoid him. And why was he wearing this black tank top? She couldn't think straight when he was so…. Ethiopia really seemed to suit him, and she couldn't quite get what, but something has changed. He wasn't the same. The sarcastic tone seemed to have disappeared, irony fading away. The major problem was he was still good looking. Maybe more, with his caramel skin shinning, the black sunglasses, and the way he was acting… like he belonged here. What happened to him?

Seated in front of the jeep, Addison struggled with her feelings. She wanted o badly to look at him while he was driving them to the camp. She tried to stay focused on the road, the landscape unfolded and sharing his treasures. She half succeeded until he spoke to her:

-"Be careful here. Rebels aren't far way. Save only people you can save. Don't try to be a hero".

He hasn't looked at her, his gaze still hanging on the road. Hopefully because he hasn't seen the tears filling up her sapphire eyes. She had been caught by his harsh tone, like he was spitting the words with disgust. Like he didn't want to speak to her. At least, she knew that old Alex hasn't completely disappeared.

They reached the camp 2 minutes later. Chaos was ruling the small town, people bleeding in the middle of the road, half naked children running next to the jeep. It was a revolting cliché uprising behind them. Alex and Pierre get fasten out of the jeep, running towards a small clinic. Suddenly, Alex stopped his run and looked at Addison.

"Come here. It's not dreaming time! There people bleeding here!" he said with a childish voice

He was defiant, and she remembered easily the first time he's ever dared her like that. She knew exactly how to respond, and shut him off. But she couldn't move; and Pierre came back to help her. Alex was already curing people. Not playing attention at her, like she wasn't here. She knew she was the one to blame and she hated that more than anything… She hasn't responded, twice; and she couldn't take it back.

She quickly came back to reality, a pregnant woman was seizing in the clinic. She attempted to save to mother but the lack of medical resources stopped her. It was over. If they were in America or anywhere with a hospital, this woman would be giving birth to her child right now. Instead she was flirting with angels. Damn it. At least, she could save the baby. But when she take the scalpel in here hand, Pierre gripped her wrist.

"What are you doing?" said the paediatrician

"What do you think I'm doing? I can save the baby? She's seven month pregnant! The baby can survive." She said, trying to get her wrist back.

"Addison, I know it's hard, but… look… the mother is dead. Who can raise this child?"

Addison opened her eyes wide. She couldn't believe what he'd just said.

"There people here to take care of this child. I'm not going to let him die, even if I've to kill you with this scalpel before!"

Her blue eyes were firing with anger. The frustration was burning her heart as she knew she could do it, even with a non sterile room. Pierre let her go. She refused to admit he was probably right, she just wanted this child to live and was apparently not in a mood to discuss.

Three minutes later, baby's cries were reverberating in the clinic. It reminded Addison just how wonderful this sound was. Why she was here. No matter who were with her. It was an extraordinary sensation, holding this child in her arms, like a revival. But there was no time to enjoy fully the situation, she had to help. She surprised herself and handled the situation very well, treating patient with every thing she found. Sometimes, she allowed herself to check on the preemie she had just saved before, smiling at him and holding his little hand with her finger.

At the end of the day, she felt exhausted. In a way she'd never felt exhausted. They did their best but she knew some of those people won't survive. Their lesions were too important. She sat on a chair outside the clinic. Pierre followed her and sat next to her.

"Hard day?" he asked

" Yeah…" she almost sighted.

"I wanted to say, about earlier… this morning, I'm sorry… But…"

"Doesn't matter." She offered him a smile.

"… Okay… Alex has finished. We're going back to our camp"

"Okay, I'm just going to check on the preemie…."

He cut her off:

"She's not in the clinic."

"What ? Were is she? She needs a sterile environment for a few days, she…" Addison started to panic.

"Addison ! There's no nurse here ! We can't let her alone !"

"So who's supposed to take care of her?" said Addison hesitantly.

"Alex is giving her to her sister…"

Addison stood up from her chair.

Pierre tried to explain :

"Addison I know it's terrible but there's a law here"

"You can't !"

She ran in the clinic and find Alex kneeling in front of a young teenage girl. Sensing her presence, he looked at her.

"We've almost done. Can you give me two minutes?"

It was clearly not a question. But this time, Addison wasn't paralyzed, not matter how cute he was with this child.

"Karev, you can't do that!" She said firmly

"We'll talk about it later. There are rules here."

"She's a child !"

"Her aunt will help her. We don't have a choice."

Addison move towards him.

'Karev, I'm not gonna let you doing this !"

Alex gave the preemie to the young girl and before Addison could protest, he turned to her:

"Her aunt is outside waiting for both of them. She'll take care of those two. What do you want to do?"

"We can take care with us and…"

"It's impossible. You've been here for only a week. You don't imagine how much orphans we left on the road. It's hard, it's certainly not faire, but we don't have choice!"

His eyes softened when he saw the pain filling in her eyes. She tried to hold back the tears in here eyes but a lonely tear ran through her cheek. She wiped it away, angrily. She couldn't look him in the eye, so she nodded him and the headed back to the camp.

--

One month. One month since she came here. One month since she discovered that her life wasn't as miserable as she thought. One month since she found life was nothing more than extraordinary. She didn't consider her work here as perfect, but she knew she was right to come here. She felt almost relieved. For one time in her life, she made the good choice and she was recompensed for it. A child smiling because she saved his mother, a baby's cry when she cured him. The difficult part was to not get attached to them. Those children who seemed to be forgotten by nature, by governments.

Luckily, she became friend with Alicia, Pierre, and almost the rest of the team. Something just spoiled the picture. She was constantly in conflict with Alex Karev. Like they were back in Seattle, when she forced him to work in her service. It annoyed her, because of course she preferred to be friend with him, but his has still this arrogant demeanour that bothered her more than anything else. Today, they had a fight about medication. Yesterday, about the room he gave to his patient…

She tried unsuccessfully to speak with him. He wasn't ready to cooperate. She learned by Alicia that Richard Weber recommended him for this program and that was a kind of interlude in his residency, more than an additional benefit. Curiously, it reminded that it was the same Richard Weber who introduced her to Alicia… Anyway, she would deal with it later. It didn't help her to figure out why he came here, instead of becoming a big plastic surgeon.

She decided to go for another tentative today, as they were alone in the operating room, classifying the medicaments.

-"Karev, can I ask you something"

-"You can but it doesn't mean I'll respond…" he said nonchalantly.

Addison couldn't stand more. This was really being pathetic, and she didn't deserve that.

She stared to yell at him, but before she finished a bullet broke a window and crossed the room. Instantly, Alex and Addison knocked-down as two men burst into the room. One of them saw the redhead and move toward her. She didn't understand what he was saying but she clearly get his intention as his gun run over her breast. Alex got up and tried to disarm the man but was punched by the other insurgent.

-"Leave her alone, bastard!"

Addison caught his gaze and froze as they took him out of the room. She looked at her attacker with desperation, wishing that this was just a nightmare. Its clearly wasn't as his hand made their way to her anatomy. She tried to resist, kicking him, screaming but she already knew it wouldn't stop him. She was almost resigned when she felt blood covering her face. A government soldier just had shot him. Clap of end.

A few hours later, after a shower and 2 sedatives she still felt petrified. She couldn't get off of her mind what happened. And how it seemed to be "normal" to her friends. As they were reunited in the dining room, listening music and cheering up their minds, Addison stayed outside, leaning against a tree, enjoying the silence and a fresh breeze caressing her shoulders. She hasn't noticed Alex approaching until he spoke to her.

-"Are you okay?"

She didn't expect him and most of all she was astounded by his soft voice.

-"I don't know… How can you act like nothing happened?"

-"We don't. It's just that it's not the first time, we kind of get used to this… and at least everyone is alive…"

-"I don't know if I can get used to this… I can support the pain, the orphans we let on their own, the pregnant woman dying, the atrophied fathers… but… not this… I'm not strong enough" Her voice was breaking, her lips shaking.

He came up to her, staring at her like an injured little girl. Does she sound so pathetic? But instead of the ironic answer she anticipated, his hand brushed against her cheek as he move closer.

-"You know you can get trough this " he whispered calmly.

Then, he held her in his arms, stroking her back with his hand. More than stunned but this unexpected but welcomed gesture, she authorized herself to let go the fear and started to cry. God, it felt so good to feel his arms around her.

A few moments later, he broke the embrace and step back, regaining composure. Not allowed to show how much he could be gentle.

-"I have to go. You… you will be okay?"

-"Yeah… I think I'll stay here just for a minute…"

-"You know, if you decide to go back to America, it won't be a failure?"

-"Why I would want to come home?"

-"With what happened… It's okay to be scared."

-"Of course I'm scared" The discussion was taking a non complaisant tone "But it doesn't mean I'm leaving. I'm not that kind of person."

-"It will better for you if you go" he said coldly, anger burning in his eyes.

-"Why?"

-"Whatever."

He was about to leave.

-"Stay here, Alex Karev! Why it would be better? Say it to me!"

-"BECAUSE…"

She looked at him defiantly

-"Because of what?"

He turned back to her, locked his eyes in hers and said, almost shouting:

-"Because ! Because if you leave, I could do my job without trouble, I could do my job without the fear that something might happen to you !"

He left her alone. In shock.

**Okay, so, it's pretty lame… Should I continue?**


	3. Chapter 3

**First of all I want to thank erveyone ! Your reviews made my day. Writing in english isn't easy and I'm so happy that you liked it.**

**So here we are with chapter 3. I hope my story isn't going too fast and most of all, I hope you'll like it !**

Addison was psyching herself; she started to wonder if she still felt something for Alex Karev. She hated those stereotyped stories in which love could live forever. She used to believe this was possible. But after Derek, Mark and the whole Derek-Mark-Meredith disaster, she loses hope in love stories. Of courses, she had a few flings when she was in Los Angeles, spending time with Pete, then with Kevin, but she'd never get the whole package. The butterflies never woke up in front of good guys. Instead she found herself clearly –and God, so badly- infatuated with wrong guys. Like she was attracted by dark and twisty ones… geez, she was turning like Derek.

Her last relationship in Los Angeles was a complete failure. Kevin was kind, funny and really hot but wasn't here for here. They shared a few dates and their couple seemed to work. At some point it was a good thing because she wanted something stable and Kevin looked like the perfect candidate but… butterflies stayed desperately asleep. She tried to be happy; she tried to give him a chance, to give them a chance but didn't succeed. One night, she fell depressed and allowed herself to get into some margaritas. Two or three hours later –she didn't remember well- she was in Pete's arms. Making out wildly in her house. Crap. She would have probably slept with him if her phone hasn't rung.

Three days later she packed her things, broke up with Kevin, apologized to Pete and flew away from Los Angeles. And there she was, hundred miles away, pinning for a guy who barely noticed her. Okay, _barely_ wasn't the appropriate term, but was there something appropriate with Alex Karev? Certainly not her thoughts. Certainly not when he looked at her. She couldn't deny her feelings, the way he made her heartbeat increase when he was in the same room. She did her best to act professionally, pretending to feel anything. He wasn't interested after all. Luckily for her, they didn't' worked a lot together, and no one perceived any sign of desire when she looked at him. She had ti bury the butterflies. For good.

--

Today was another ordinary day. She hasn't heard her alarm clock and was rudely awakened by a knock on the door. She mumbled something in her pillow and heard the door opening. She didn't have to look to recognize her visitor. He cleared his throat to get her attention. She opened her eyes, staring at him like he was an apparition. He began to speak without paying any attention to her… She understood immediately that she had to listen. No time for stretching her mind.

"There's a little girl outside waiting for you. She doesn't want to tell me why she here. She doesn't want to tell anything."

"Okay" She managed to start, gathering her words "Hum.How… how do you know she's looking for me?"

"Apparently she has slept in front of the clinic. She's holding a piece of paper and I read your name on"

"Okay… I'm coming" she muttered

"Are you feeling good?" He said, suddenly concerned.

She knew she wasn't very healthy today, but it was probably the climatic conditions. Or maybe the hot doctor in front of her raised her temperature. Anyway, she couldn't help but smile at his kind nature. And realized she was smiling at him like a complete idiot.

" Erm… It's nothing. I'm coming but if you don't mind I'd love to take a quick shower before…"

"Oh… sure." He glanced at her one last time before leaving.

Addison ran into the shower and got dressed. She made her way through the clinic, looking for her young visitor. Instead she found Alex in a consult.

"Where is she?"

"She with Alicia… Addison, listen, there's something you need to know."

She looked at him suspiciously. "Okay, tell me"

"I didn't recognize her at first…" He seemed confused. "She's… she's the girl from last week. You saved her sister when her mother died in labor…"

She knew immediately who he was talking about. It was the girl she saved. The same girl Pierre wanted her to kill. Or let die. It was almost the same. "Okay and where is she,Alex?"

"The baby has serious issues. Alicia is taking care of her but we don't know..."

"Why didn't you tell me it was critical?!" She was fighting with tears, knowing well that she was the one to blame. She was the one who take her time, enjoying the cold water on her skin, brushing her hair… She was almost yelling at Alex who was staring at her intently. She couldn't keep more eye contact and looked sheepishly at the floor. "I'm sorry" She murmured.

Before he could respond, Alicia came, holding the tiny baby in her arms.

"She has trouble breathing. She needs a valve replacement."

"Can I check on her?" Addison asked sadly.

"Sure".

Addison took the preemie in her arms, and made a quick exam.

"She needs surgery. Where is the nearest hospital?"

Alicia and Alex looked at her curiously.

"Don't try to dissuade me. I'm not asking permission. I can save her, I've done many surgeries like this before and I know I can fix it."

Alicia was the first to attempt to discourage her "Addison…"

"No. No! I know where we are. I know we can't save everyone but I also know she can get through this."

"Okay, take the Jeep and go to Addis Ababa, I'll take care of her sister. There's 3 hours to drive here. You need a med pack with you and someone to help."

"I'll go" Alex exclaimed.

Addison's eyes wide opened. She had almost forgotten he was here. She could swear it wasn't making things easier, but at least she knew he wouldn't blow the problem out of proportion. He knew her and the way she was going to handle this. With professionalism and success. But right now, she could feel the professionalism sliding into some kind of empathy. Not the kind of empathy she used to share with patient, but a deep one. It was a troubling feeling dancing with her heart. A surprising change of demeanor.

She took the baby in her arms and got into the Jeep. As Alex handed her a towel and a little bag, he brushed the skin of arms. She couldn't suppress a smile and felt an instant spark. Electricity dancing in the air.

The trip wasn't amazing at all. Alex kept looking on the road without even speaking to her. All she wanted to do was tell him how much she appreciated his gentle gesture. But she couldn't speak. Finally she swallowed the lump in her throat and said:

"Karev… erm, Alex… I just want to thank you for … you know… helping."

"It's no big deal." He stated casually.

Immediately after, he decided to turn un-Karev like : "I was wrong about you"

"Sorry?"

"About here. The mission. You're going to risk your life to save that child. It's very courageous."

She was staring at him, totally stunned by his sudden change of behavior. "You really thought I wasn't strong enough to go through this?"

Feeling the tension growing up between them, he decided to clarify the situation. "Not that I didn't trust in your medical skills. No offense, really. It's just that working here is far away from working in Los Angeles. Or Seattle. Or wherever you were before."

Addison turned on him and saw a little smile in her face. "Working here is an extraordinary challenge."

"For an extraordinary doctor." He trailed off.

He wear a big smile. God, she loved this smile. "Thank you" she replied. Regaining composure, she felt relieved that they can discuss without turning into a fight. It gazed her the opportunity to ask him why he was here too.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah"

"Why did you come here?"

"Some … I had to leave Seattle for a while." He answered in an annoyed manner.

"I would be impolite if I ask you why" She teased.

"Nothing important. I just needed fresh air. I found interesting to expand my skills and stay focused on something else…"He cut off abruptly. "Whatever. The Chief and Bailey agreed to sent me in Ethiopia."

She knew he was uncomfortable, sensing his voice breaking up. She was sure this conversation would turn into a quarrel if she pushed him more. "Okay."

They reached Addis Ababa in silence. It wasn't a cold silence. For the first time since she came here, it was a peaceful silence. Instead of worrying about the colossal city in which there were kind of lost, she was just enjoying the last minutes of their trip.

As soon as they get into the hospital, Addison managed to explain to the nurse that she needed an OR. Hopefully, Alicia had already called the hospital to inform them. Addison found her marks quickly and made her way through the OR, Alex taking in charge the paperwork.

Two hours later, Addison exited the OR with a half confident smile. Alex was waiting for her. He studied quickly her face and guessed something was wrong.

"What happened?"

"The surgery… Everything was normal until… I was wrong; she was too young to support the surgery." She couldn't find her words, breathing hardly.

"Is she died?"

"No, she's on reanimation."

Tears were going to fall. For the first time, she didn't know how to react after a surgery. A single tear rolled down her cheek. Her eyes searched for an escape, she didn't want to burst into tears in front of Alex. But before she could run away, he gripped her arm and pulled her into a hug. She let loose and began crying, putting her head in his shoulder. It felt so good. After a long moment, they pulled away, his brown eyes diving into Addison's.

"Thank you" She murmured. "I'm not used to be…"

"It's okay, don't worry."

He kissed slightly her cheek.

She didn't believe what had actually happened.

**So? Good? Every feedbakc will be really apprecaited ! ;)**


	4. Chapter 4

Addison and Alex both agreed to forget the « incident »

**Hi !! I can't say how much your reviews made my day ! **

**I'm sorry for taking so much time to update, but I've a lot of work and no time to write. So I did this tonight quickly and I wanted to apologize for all grammatical mistakes I probably made. I hope it's still understandable. If someone has time to help me, I would be very grateful. Plus, I've already written 2 fics in French I would love to translate them.**

**So, here with the story, I promise, if I get reviews, the next chapter would be better ;).**

**And thanks to everyone who keep reading this .**

Addison and Alex both agreed to forget the « incident ». They didn't even mention it, and choose to act like nothing happened. Nothing. No baby's death, no hugging in hallways. Their conversations still turned into arguments, their work was still perfect. The baby's sister went back to her camp, and Addison did her best to hide her regrets. Putting a fake smile on her face? Easy. Struggling with tears when she was in bed? Almost easier. But she couldn't fight against the nightmares, the constant reflect of her failure playing gain and again in her mind.

This night, she couldn't sleep at all. She decided to read outside, not wanting to wake up her colleagues. The African night was peaceful. She found Alex, alone, staring at the dark sky. Giving up her previous plans, she sat next to him.

"Hi…"

"Hi."

"Do you mind if I stay a minute with you?"

"No. "

She was going to take his uninterested response as offensive when he turned to her. "I don't know if I could leave here. I mean… of course I miss surgeries and high technologic OR but… being here, taking care of those people… it's kind of gratifying, you know… as a human being."

She had to take a deep breath to be sure that was Alex Karev's sentence. He focused his gaze on her sapphire eyes. She could barely open her mouth to answer. "What happened to you? What happened and made you think you're not good enough…"

"Nothing."

"I think I' m a good listener. If you want to talk…" She answered softly.

"It's not important."

"I'm not used to cry like I did last month, in the hospital. And your presence… well, you presence was very helpful. And I'm grateful to you for staying silent about it. If I can do the same for you…"

"There's nothing to tell, nothing I can say…" He took a pause. "It's not like I don't trust you. I do. Seriously, I do. But I can't speak; I can't explain what is on my mind."

She put her hand on his shoulder, letting him know that she was here and willing to talk through all of his problems. She was highly impressed of how he opened up to her. Deep down, she knew he had a lot to deal with. They stood in silent for a while before she felt exhausted and fall asleep on his shoulder. Gently, he pulled his jacket on her shoulder, holding her close to him. He stroked her hair and held her hand tightly. She couldn't remember the last time she felt so… alive. A billion butterflies were flying around her.

There were no nightmares that night.

--

When she woke up, she found herself lying on the old couch of the clinic. Alicia was watching her doubtfully.

"Why are you sleeping here?"

"I … Can't sleep last night, so I decided to come here and …"

Alicia barely listened her explanation. She kept watching something through the windows. A few awkward second passed, and as soon as Addison realized what, or more precisely who, she was staring at, she let it go.

"Okay, I was going to read and found Alex outside… when talk a little and then I …"

"He doesn't speak with anyone… usually" Alicia stated.

"I… It's not what you think…"

"Maybe it's not my business" Alicia replied harshly.

"It's nothing, really… It's just that I know him. I mean, before... coming here.

I should have told you, I know... He was my intern when I worked in Seattle."

"And?"

"And nothing more."

"Ok..." The brunette seemed suddenly and awkwardly relieved. "I'm sorry for being so curious but I have to admit that I like Alex. In a way I shouldn't probably like him. I know he is most of the time arrogant but he can be so cute, don't you think?"

Oh yes she know, and she couldn't fight the hint of jealousy that emerging on her. She hated jealousy. Jealousy didn't treat her fairly. How was she supposed to react? She offered Alicia a weak smile and nodded.

"Are you sure there's nothing going on between you two?"

"Yeah, I'm sure… we're just co-workers."

"So maybe you can help me…" Alicia said in a girlish tone "You probably think I'm crazy but it's just that I'm here since 4 years and … Alex is so good looking... sometimes I just need a man."

Addison felt uncomfortable. "I don't think I can help."

"Of course you can! He spoke to you. He knows you."

"Alex Karev is not the king of guy who takes any advice…"

"Maybe, but at least you can try… Please, Addison, I look like a teenager right now… Do you really want me to beg you?"

"Okay, I'll do what I can"

"Great, tonight, we can make a little party. I have an old bottle of scotch and half of a bottle of vodka in my office. We can invite everyone, so it won't look like a trap. Can you ask Alex to stay with us?"

Addison smiled and left the room. Crap. How has she lost herself in this love labyrinth? With Alex Karev. Again. Wasn't she supposed to learn from her past? She sighted and went outside, finding Alex.

"Hey." She said sheepishly.

"Hey."

Few seconds of silence passed.

"We… we're projecting, Alicia and I, to make a party tonight."

"A party?"

She saw the puzzled look in his face. "Use you imagination, Karev"

He smiled suggestively. She corrects herself "Use your brain, we just want some fun, between friends."

"Okay."

Okay. Great. Great. Soooo Great. He said okay and she was supposed to be satisfied. She couldn't suppress the jealousy playing with her nerves. Horrible feeling. God, she was intoxicated by jealousy. She was almost mad at him for saying yes. She was totally and stupidly into this guy. His trademark smirk, his gentle gesture, have throwing away her resolutions. She was totally messed up. Those feelings were so confusing and she hated this. Getting out line of control. It was so frustrating to think that her heart was killing her mind. She felt drained by all of this.

Her jumbled thoughts were interrupted when she saw Alicia looking intently at them. Alex left her as Alicia approached, smiling at a teenager.

"What did he say?"

"He'll come." Addison simply stated.

"Really?"

Addison nodded and a beautiful smile lighted up Alicia's face. Addison hardly restrained herself from killing herself. How had she managed to get there? The situation really annoyed her. Alex. Alicia. Her, trapped in the middle of them, no matter what would happen between them. This wasn't supposed to happen. She was there for a reason, and she had totally loose herself in some kind of awkward-hopeless romance. Romance? No. She was wrong. There was no romance in that relationship. She was a woman pining for a guy who barely noticed her. She was so confused. She went to a consult room and tried to focus on her patient. There were many vaccinations to do today. But none of them, none of those kind people distracted her from her thoughts. Her mind was clear and mixed up at the same time. She had a complicated situation to deal with, exactly what she wanted to avoid.

She knew it was a waste of time. She could easily remember how he treated her when they worked in Seattle. The "you're not my girlfriend" offend, the 'I'm not interested' sounding like an insult… the emptiness digging her heart. The sensation that she would never felt better… Alex Karev was not the barbecue guy. She had to admit it. Sometimes she wanted to forget everything. Seattle. The post marriage fiasco and everything she had to deal with. The luckless romance with Sloane, the hopeless dream with Karev. Sometimes.

--

The "party" wasn't successful. Alex stayed alone in a corner, gazing at his empty glass. Every attempt made by Alicia to distract him failed. Miserably. A smile crept up on Addison face as she saw Alex rejecting her again. She didn't want Alicia to be unhappy, but she still didn't want her to get into his pants. Most of all, not in front of her.Then, he suddenly eyed her, then looked to Alicia and seemed to changer his mind. He got up, and went to talk to her. Addison did her best to listen what he said and heard the word "bedroom". Bedroom. Bedroom? Was he really asking her to follow him to the bedroom? Addison eye's shot up at him upon earring this word. She glared at him, her eyes literally glued on his. What was that?

She sighed in disbelief and turned back, unable to keep her eyes on them. He was going to have sex with her, comforting his loneliness with hers. The redhead started to drown her sorrow in her vodka, not paying attention to them.

Instead, he grabbed her hand and dragged her outside. Pulling her against the wall of the clinic, he drew her into a kiss. Not a soft, gentle kiss. A passionate kiss. A wild, passionate and mind blowing kiss. She totally gave up her "stay-in-the way-of-control" mode and responded the kiss. She couldn't breath, her lips were burning and her heart was about to jump off her chest. His arm wrapped around her waist tried to pull her impossibly closer. She pulled out reluctantly, begging for some fresh air. He smiled, relishing the feeling of having her delicate hand wrapped around his own.

Suddenly, a flash of surprise traversed him. His hands were almost shaking. "I'm sorry." He simply said and left.

"What!" Addison yelled.

"It's what you wanted." He groaned as he stepped back.

"I'm sorry?" Addison cocked an eyebrow, disturbingly affected by what just happened.

"You invited me because…"

"Because…"

"Did you really think I'll buy your party thing?"

"Alex I don't know wha…"

"Okay, do what you want, it doesn't matter anyway"

"No! I'm sorry Alex, I thought you liked Alicia…"

"Really?"

"Yeah…" Addison lied… at least she did her best to.

Visibly disappointed, Alex use his favourite weapon to hide his feelings. Sarcasm. With a hint of harsh tone.

"Ok. So this is why I kissed you. Just to make you understand that I kiss who I want, when I want. And I'm not who you think I am. I was. But it's over. So I'm not going to have any relationship here. Neither with Alicia, nor with anyone… else. So please leave me alone and don't try to marry me with your friend..."

"I… "

"Don't apologize."

"I was not going to." Addison replied, forcing herself to stay calm.

"Okay, perfect, so I think we're done."

"Oh no, we're not" she quickly replied and jumped him, her mouth crushing on his.


	5. Chapter 5

**Ok… I'm so sorry it takes me so long to update. I had a lot to do and lost my muse… but found it today at work. I haven't time to read it before posting so I hope it's okay and understandable. Let me know what you think about it and please forgive my mistakes… I tried to do my best in a very short time.**

**Oh, and, most of all, thank you to all my readers ;) **

It has been six days ago. Six days since they share that warm, overwhelming kiss. And then nothing. She jumped him, kissed him like it was the last kiss she gave to someone… and then nothing. She just left, terrifying by what just happened.

Every day, she managed to avoid him, still thinking about that 5 mind blowing minutes. He remained silent so, if he wanted to forget this mind blowing moment (as he did the first times), she was going to do the same. How did she end up here? Kissing a man, in the middle of a fight. Kissing Alex Karev in the middle of a fight. She was really trapped. No matter how much she tried to escape from her crappy life, she still found herself stuck in back and forth relationships. This was the story of her life. She came here to give a new sense to her life and failed miserably. Not because of Karev and his insolent charm. Not because of her strange behavior when he's near her. Because she was all messed up. Since her divorce, she couldn't find her way back to normality. Even in LA with Kevin, she couldn't find her happy ending.

She was standing in front of the clinic, speaking with Alicia –who was still pining for him innocently – when she made eye contact with him. He was shirtless, unpacking toys and clothes from the Red Cross. She was barely listening to Alicia when she noticed a little girl coming next to him. She couldn't hear what he said to her but she was caught by his sweetness and gentle manners. She was stunned by how much he gained confidence with children those past years. He heart swell with pride, knowing that she probably helped him to be this man, from the advice and guidance she gave him. Ok she wasn't sure of this, but she needed some self confidence.

"Are you starving?" said Alicia

Addison jumped in surprise. "What? What do you mean?"

"Are you starving? It' s half past 2 and we haven't eat…"

"Oh yeah… I'm …." She kept looking at Alex. "I'm hungry."

The sat on a table with some food Pierre had made. Addison was almost there, lost on her thoughts. She had never expected to feel this kind of sensation again. And certainly not for HIM. Seeing him, kissing him brought up strong emotions inside her she was unprepared for. The taste of his lips had pierced his soul and took her to an awkward lethargy.

"Addison?" Alicia's voice startled her. "Addison?!"

"Yeah.. umh… sorry I was kind of…"

"Dreaming"

A slight smile lighted up Addison's face, feeling like a teenager. "yeah, I was a little dreaming."

"Why didn't you go there already?"

"What? Where?"

" You know what I mean… you know WHO I mean."

"I don't."

"Ok, listen… you know I like him but he obviously not interested. So no need to protect me, I'm a big girl and it's just a little crush… And I saw the way you two look at each other."

"Alicia, you're wrong… I'm not…"

"Hey, he's leaving soon, you should decide if going to tell him or give up the flirting game."Alicia grinned.

"We're not flirting."

"Oh yes you are. So stop acting like a child. You know what you want and you can have it. So go !" She grabbed her hand and forced Addison to follow her. She stopped in front of Alex, letting Addison with him. He looked at her strangely. The silence was painful as they stay down facing each other.

Addison hesitated and made the usual awkward small talk: "How are you ?"

"Fine."

He was clearly not in a mood to talk. She gave up and fell into the routine of their relationship, attempting to end the uncomfortable atmosphere. She turned to leave, and he felt his heart twinge with guilt as he saw the look on her face.

"Addison, wait!" He placed his hand on her arm.

She looked down at his hand.

"I didn't want to…" he started.

"It's okay" she replied sadly.

"It's not. We're not okay and you know why." He waited for her to look at him. She didn't.

"It's complicated" was the best she offered him.

"We should … " He sighted. " Listen, I'm not very good at this… you know, talking about things that… talking about feelings" He lifted up her chin to make her look at him. "But I think we should talk."

"Not now… we've patients". She tried to maintain her composure.

"Tonight?

"Tonight seems great."

She spent the whole day thinking about him. She did her best to think of anything else but couldn't. When her last patient left the clinic, she went to check on a patient in a room and saw Alex holding a little girl's hand. She stared at him for a moment the exited the clinic, tears filling up in her eyes. She got her bed and sobbed on her pillow. She felt so ashamed about this. Crying like a teenager, crying like she was miserable, like she paid no attention to the people out there. After a few minutes, she wiped her eyes, stood up and reached the clinic. Alex was still here, taking care of the little girl. He quickly noticed her, pulled the girl on a bed and promised he'll come back.

"We should find a quiet place." He simply stated

"Yeah we should." Her voice cracked.

He took her hand and his and made her follow him outside.

He was feeling really nervous, like a boy on his first date. He steadied his breathing and walked over to her.

"There's many things I want to say but…"

"Please don't say anything…"

"We need to. This situation is unbearable. I can't face you everyday like nothing happened."

"You've already done this before…" She snapped.

Those words punched his head.

"You're right. I did. But today I can't. I'm not this man anymore."

Addison felt her heart breaking. She was taken aback by his words.

"Alex… you can…I'm not ready for this, I'm not ready to discuss. You're still this man for me. I haven't forgotten what happened in Seattle."

"I haven't forgotten either. I tried to get you out off of my mind. I really tried."

"What are you trying to say?"

"I won't say those words… I'm not the kind of guy who says those three words… I care about you Addison, and I can't stand seeing you everyday like that. Since we kissed, you're not very well."

"It's nothing" She didn't want him to see her cry. She was so breakable.

"It's something for me" He whispered.

"… Alex…" Her eyes widened with the news.

He closed the space between them, holding her like it was the most natural thing to do. She didn't know what to think about this whole mess. She pulled off; her eyes scanning Alex's for some kind of answer. Waiting for some damnation on their relationship so she could just end before something began. His arms were still slightly wrapped around her.

Barely breathing, she let out: "So what is it? Between us."

The look on his face flooded her brain. She just wanted to stop thinking and kiss him. She was so confused.

"I'm not gonna lie to you. I'm not the man you met in Seattle. But I'm still not the guy you're looking for… but"

"Are you expecting me to forgive everything?"

"You kissed me !"

"You kissed me too !" She defended.

"So what do you want?"

"I don't know… and it doesn't matter anymore"

"Why?"

"Because I didn't came here to screw up my life… again. I don't want to get into any relationship… I like you, Alex, I really like you but I can't. I'm not ready yet."

"Okay."

"Okay." He let her go and sat on a desk, unable to admit another failure.

The dinner went on quickly and Addison couldn't keep her eyes off of him. He had this natural ability to get her attention. No matter where he was. She felt quite relieved that they had clarified the situation but the taste of his lips kept lingering on hers. He glanced at her and gave her a tiny sexy smile. She wanted him so badly. And she knew it was going to be harder to work with him, the sexual (and emotional?) tension filling up the air.

Damn the rules. She stood up from her chair and reached his table:

"I have to tell you something. Can we go outside?" Her powers of confidence had sprung up from nowhere, surprising him and the others doctors.

Alicia was delighted to see this face of Addison… self-confident as she was as a doctor.

"I can't forgive you. Actually I'm not forgetting you. But for once in my life, I just want to enjoy my life without thinking to the consequences."

He smiled softly, his fingers instinctively moving to her hair, pushing it from her face and behind her ear. She moved her head into his hand so that his fingers were touching her cheek. She closed her sapphire eyes, enjoying the contact of his skin. He leaned forward and brushed his lips against hers. The kiss deepened as he ran his hands through her hair. It felt so good. She totally forgot they were in the middle of nowhere, that this was probably totally inappropriate.

This time, he was the first who pulled away, begging for some air. He looked at her, his eyes burning into her. She could feel his gaze trying to infiltrate her soul, her heart beating so fast.

"Not thinking to the consequences?" He teased

"No. Absolutely not." She said, placing a soft kiss on his lips.

"You know my mission ends in 6 weeks."

"I know… why we don't think about the future… we're not even sure things will work on between us."

"It's a good idea" he whispered in her ear, and then start kissing her earlobe.

Okay, this was a great change of behavior and she wasn't sure to know how to handle this but it felt so good. She had fantasying so many times about him… even after the whole 'not my girlfriend' fiasco. Her hands were on fire, wanting so much to touch his skin. His lips were everywhere… on her earlobe, on her neck, on her lips… She totally gave up her self control placed her hands on his chest, drawing his muscles with her fingers.

"I think we should go to the bedroom before they finish their dinner".


End file.
